reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
