last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
