I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
God, I missed his penis.
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