very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
