i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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