there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
