Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
