And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
