i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
