i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
