I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I forget how to act sober
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
