Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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