Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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