Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
