I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
