My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
