WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Randomize
