The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
