next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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