I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
