When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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