True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would fuck him just for his dog
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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