I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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