Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
