What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
