walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
