When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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