my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
