I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
