Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
