..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
