Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
