Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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