I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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