Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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