Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
