It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
