They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
