im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it hurts more in the daytime
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
