I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I intend to get homeless drunk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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