If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
