You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so explain again why im purple
no
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize