he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How does one acquire holy water?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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