halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
