Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
