I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
