What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
