There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
