i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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