Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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