carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
