What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
