maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
