just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
