so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
