a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
