dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
