Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
