Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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