before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
