Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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