I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
