Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize