Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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