he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
