playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
