Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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