dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
