Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
